My Beautiful Blog

An Actualiser's weblog

Ok, so I’m starting to write my book!

No dramatics, I keep promising myself. Just let my decisions all flow.

Life is too strange, that’s all I can say. It doesn’t matter how decisive one is, what is meant to happen will happen. I had so many thoughts of how I’d start this note out and now they’re down the drain because my emotions have taken me in the next direction. So let me just express what is going on at this time.

I had a revelation yesterday that indeed I want to feel passion again in my life. This has come and gone; gone up and down… but it’s generally been my guide for ‘big’ decisions like taking ‘risky’ jobs or furthering my studies or even changing my circle of friends. Deep down in my heart I know that life is about excitement and enjoyment and so ultimately I will get to this place of saying, ‘What is happening here? This is NOT living!’ Then I’ll take action. [smile]

Why this is probably relevant right now is that I feel the need to let other people be aware that there are different things to life than what we keep seeing. It doesn’t matter how many, where or who, just anybody! It is for my own good as well, for my wellbeing, for me being happy.

You see I interface daily with mostly people who are so extremely priviliged that they have no concept of what excitement is; they have a structure in their lives which says with certainty ‘things’ will be there. There is security of sorts in this existence. The only problem is, security of this type brings some apathy, some ennui, some boredom and sad to say, a dear lack of appreciation for what they have.

Now as a person with many friends who live in countries and in difficult situations where the privilege of boredom is not an option, this constantly wears me out. It exhausts me for a few reasons: one is, with apathy, ennui and all those things, there’s no creativity; no ideas, no likelihood of moving resources and helpfulness along to where it is needed. So I wait disappointingly for any simple solutions to manifest themselves.

The [not-so-privileged] world sits looking to the ‘thought leaders’, the intellectuals, the educated lot, to bring solutions to them. The logical idea is, with all the research and development and analysis going on, so much funds pumping into great ideas, that someday, somehow they will trickle down into solutions for everyone.

The only thing is, sitting here on the outside and yet in the middle somewhat, I can see that the ‘wait for someone’ approach is unfortunately the way of the intellectual side of the world as well. Taking action isn’t a part of that cultural psyche. People aren’t nudged to take decisions, really, unless they are required to by [external] pressure most times.

What does this have to do with me?

My experience, repeatedly, has been that I am instructive in moving people to think a little, trust a little, try a little bit more than they had been doing in previous times of their lives. The consequences are usually a release from a rigid place and the flow of beautiful ideas and energies that serve everyone. Indeed it is a really satisfying experience watching this, so win-win for all.

I would like to say I don’t want to touch just the privileged lot at all. In fact fresh ideas are just waiting to be implemented from many people who didn’t know they had many options as well at their disposal. The point being: I just want to stimulate thinking, connecting, creating. That is it!

I also know that if I, myself, die with my story in me, it would be a waste of this life which has been pretty remarkably pleasant and very enjoyable despite all the ups and downs, the traumas and dramas. If more people recognise themselves in me, perhaps they would mobilise a bit more to that enjoyment that is due to them but is still not considered a characteristic of this life as we know it.

I also think that my philosophies of life, borne out of experience and not just intellect… indeed, hardly from traditional intellect, bear more significance today than ever before, in serving my higher purpose of education, which I’ve always known is my bigger calling. So more reason to do this.

Though the past has brought me to this place I don’t want to live there. I would like the future to shine brightly in my mind’s eye and if I can contribute to it, then I’d like to, in any way I can. Here is one way hopefully.

Thanks for your well wishes in advance.

Blessings and Love,

Best, Sherrilene


November 15, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 8 Comments

The Sea

Until I lived abroad, I didn’t really realise how much the sea meant to me. Indeed like many people, I could easily go for months without even noticing the waters around me. My work schedule didn’t allow for much beaching anyway; I could easily leave home very early and not go that route and I definitely left work sometimes at such a late hour, it was dark outside on my return.

Schedules were about work not pleasure in those times so the beach was down on the list in terms of my priorities.

Going to France was an interesting exercise that got me to see how much the sea is worshipped in some places. I often compared our beaches and thought, ‘What is the big deal?’, not very pleasantly rating my own much higher in terms of natural beauty [smile].

But the truth is, I really didn’t appreciate the ocean very much until my friend visited from Holland and immersed herself with such love. Being her hostess I had to take her everywhere she wanted to go, and I found I was quite jealous when she’d dive off without hesitation, and I, like most natives, would hesitate… all kinds of crazy stories about what could go wrong, in my head.

It struck me as ridiculous that she had more confidence in these waters than I! So I made my commitment to overcome my fear and went and really learned to swim.

The fear was quite real; I could actually feel my heart slamming every time I had to think about that deep, dark blue water where we used to train. I did great; nobody really knew how terrified I was. But long story short, I overcame the fear and that time became a watershed in my general approach to life. I often compare new difficulties to the pushing past of fear at that time, and they usually don’t quite compare…

The first time I went snorkeling was without a doubt a huge high point. You know you’ve been touched when you wake from sleeping and say out loud ‘Did you see that?’ to nobody or anybody in particular! Snorkeling in tropical waters is something I think every living person should experience.


Tropical Waters

I have seen the toughest ‘home-boy’ lose all resistance after getting a glimpse of some multi-coloured fishes rush past, close-up! Even now, I still get freaked out when a school of silver ones decides to swim around and not be bothered by my presence. Seeing the sun glinting off of them through crystal waters is like nothing I could describe, but definitely something that awakens you to what beauty is…

I have had much enlightening and also healing from the sea. Sitting and watching the expanse of water without real boundaries puts in perspective this Reality of ours. After taking a real look with some humility, you could never again conclude that life is about man-made construction, talking and television and so many other things we have consume us often.

After seeing a manta ray come close to the cliff only you are sitting at, and raise its wing almost in greeting, and witnessing precious sea turtles pop their head up and hang out with you for a long time, how could you not feel connected with all that’s living?

Once I was quite ill and my semi-addiction to the sea got me to thinking that perhaps I should consider taking the advice of the old people and try out the sea as my cure. By then I had long sworn off ‘drugs’ and the alternatives the doctors kept giving me were too radical for my liking and would keep me coming back to them. So crazy me, I decided a sea bath a day, or two if I’m compelled to, would be my prescription. And indeed I did. The first day or two, I could hardly stand because of the pain, but each time I emerged from the sea I was standing taller.  After about five days I was in good shape. I could literally feel myself healing. I was focussed on healing, yes, but indeed two years and more later, I have had no recurrence of this ailment and am not the least bit worried about its returning.

And so even though right now I don’t distrust the doctors and their remedies to the same extent, I still find that the sea sits at the top of my list of cures if I ever have to heal.

There is still no colour quite like my waters; those waters have inspired me so much and in so many ways. They now stay with me even in my travels. Abundant Beauty is manifest in that place.


Sea Rocks Beauty

Oceans of Blessings to all friends.


November 10, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Getting good with Goddess!

A young online friend inquired of me today, what is my relationship like with the Creator. I often get asked questions like this, from people of all ages, because I think I’m a novelty of sorts being a believer, with no particular religious links or leanings besides being natural. I really try to live life according to an ideal that is set in my mind and not based on what has been given to most of us as ‘gospel’.

As the sub-title of my blog says, I consider myself an Actualising person so my rules and my needs for living are quite different than ‘the average’ and the consequence is, my spirituality has been also impacted in this way.

A long time back,  I was involved with the church, quite voluntarily, since I wanted to ‘do my part’ for the community. Unlike many people including my siblings, my grandmother didn’t force me to go to church as a child, so I showed up on my own and immersed. I have many aspects of church life that I like but in totality it never fulfilled my zeal, so I visit periodically and find other ways to do this in my day to day life.

After achieving all the highs of the physical life (academically, professionally, socially) I hit a speed bump; or should I correctly name it, a reality pit stop where again my enthusiasm for life was bumped down. It was disappointing, yes, but mostly because I really wanted to see myself fitting somehow into society, enthusiastic and all. It wasn’t meant to be, at least not yet. So I set out on my own, ‘stumbling surefootedly’, I like to say, to find ‘what else’ is there, besides society as I know it.

I found lots… AND LOTS I didn’t like. If not for my love of nature, of people on the whole and my open mind, I would have been seriously battered spiritually. A few years into that part of the journey and I was ready to throw it in again! I found that my instinct kept telling me to stay in, to not even try to go out there to find work anymore. It wasn’t the fear of competition since my product is unique and I’m comfortable in its delivery, it was the clear evidence of learning nothing new, of not growing, of actually being really depleted with exchanges in the institutional environment where I was often called.

All this time I was transforming into a creature of Nature again. The simple pleasures drew me like nothing else and even now, not too much in society is interesting, although my desire to serve remains strong.

To answer my friend’s question referring to my relationship with God, I spontaneously smiled, as I recall having given this response many times before. ‘We are good!‘,  I continued by saying ‘Now I am trying to be good with Goddess…’.

Like I said it has been an incredible experience on my journey to find myself wanting to be at home, to putter around, to do kitchen things, to crochet and to sew, to dream up new dishes and the like. But it’s very satisfying! It’s also quite pleasing to find myself out of supplies of some sort and perform a bit of magic to substitute and end up with a creation out of my wits! These are the most fun of my days, when the Creative in Me kicks in!

How do I explain that? If anyone knows me, they will know that I am very much a strategic mind. I can analyse with the best of them. I’m good with numbers, with industries, with economics, whatever comes up. I’ve got the left brain covered really well. So it doesn’t make much sense to me even, that I’d be a content homemaker! Throw in the calls out to Nature and the whole image is overturned!

But today a few pieces converged and I recognised that despite being an actualising human being firstly, I’ve been put in a physical form that is woman as well. There are certain ‘things’ that come with this. They are not by any means specific or generic but they’re there! And if I am going to actualise and achieve my best self, I will have to give honour to the creative ‘best’ in me as well… shall we say, the Goddess. [smile]

In recent times I’ve observed the imbalance in power in society, in terms of benefits across the two sexes and I’ve been saddened because I’ve had to admit that despite my love for the male in Me – the strong, solid, direct parts –  the Female in Me has been neglected and ignored and many times ridiculed… even by me… I have wanted to walk away from the very same attributes that qualify me as a girl, just so that I won’t have to feel weakened in any form.

But my greater need is to honour this ‘package’, these gifts I’ve been given… all of them. So my spirit hasn’t sat very well with any such efforts.

There is much more to life still to be explored; all of Nature, in fact. That’s where abundance rests. Now it’s up to me to pursue this exploration with exciting zeal as I did my mind all those years, and see what Creation has ready for me, as a Divine Female.

Life is interesting again.

Wishing friends well.



Barbados 067

October 19, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | 4 Comments