My Beautiful Blog

An Actualiser's weblog

When I listen…

… I hear,

it has all been for a purpose; it wasn’t meant to only hurt, it was to toughen you up for things to come, when the muscle would be needed for This Reality and would feel oh so natural and ready to be flexed…

it had conclusions you couldn’t think of, couldn’t conceive of, couldn’t receive in that time, so it was better you weren’t aware of them just yet…

it was so appreciated that you listened and followed Our Lead, that the bounty we are bestowing on you is in line with the finest gifts around: sense of peace, of satisfaction, of free mind, of clear heart, of safety, of security, of harmony with your world, of love at every turn.

you could have listened to different, louder voices which told you to compromise, to be in the mix. But you made a different choice. I am pleased.

I listened, I followed, it was tough. I didn’t know. I felt alone. I felt quite crazed! I had no support but my own mind and heart most days and nights.

Now as I listen more, I hear confirmation, it was not in vain.

God, I am thankful.

Thanks, simply…

A Grateful, Sherrilene

Fringes of the Rainbow

December 13, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Getting good with Goddess!

A young online friend inquired of me today, what is my relationship like with the Creator. I often get asked questions like this, from people of all ages, because I think I’m a novelty of sorts being a believer, with no particular religious links or leanings besides being natural. I really try to live life according to an ideal that is set in my mind and not based on what has been given to most of us as ‘gospel’.

As the sub-title of my blog says, I consider myself an Actualising person so my rules and my needs for living are quite different than ‘the average’ and the consequence is, my spirituality has been also impacted in this way.

A long time back,  I was involved with the church, quite voluntarily, since I wanted to ‘do my part’ for the community. Unlike many people including my siblings, my grandmother didn’t force me to go to church as a child, so I showed up on my own and immersed. I have many aspects of church life that I like but in totality it never fulfilled my zeal, so I visit periodically and find other ways to do this in my day to day life.

After achieving all the highs of the physical life (academically, professionally, socially) I hit a speed bump; or should I correctly name it, a reality pit stop where again my enthusiasm for life was bumped down. It was disappointing, yes, but mostly because I really wanted to see myself fitting somehow into society, enthusiastic and all. It wasn’t meant to be, at least not yet. So I set out on my own, ‘stumbling surefootedly’, I like to say, to find ‘what else’ is there, besides society as I know it.

I found lots… AND LOTS I didn’t like. If not for my love of nature, of people on the whole and my open mind, I would have been seriously battered spiritually. A few years into that part of the journey and I was ready to throw it in again! I found that my instinct kept telling me to stay in, to not even try to go out there to find work anymore. It wasn’t the fear of competition since my product is unique and I’m comfortable in its delivery, it was the clear evidence of learning nothing new, of not growing, of actually being really depleted with exchanges in the institutional environment where I was often called.

All this time I was transforming into a creature of Nature again. The simple pleasures drew me like nothing else and even now, not too much in society is interesting, although my desire to serve remains strong.

To answer my friend’s question referring to my relationship with God, I spontaneously smiled, as I recall having given this response many times before. ‘We are good!‘,  I continued by saying ‘Now I am trying to be good with Goddess…’.

Like I said it has been an incredible experience on my journey to find myself wanting to be at home, to putter around, to do kitchen things, to crochet and to sew, to dream up new dishes and the like. But it’s very satisfying! It’s also quite pleasing to find myself out of supplies of some sort and perform a bit of magic to substitute and end up with a creation out of my wits! These are the most fun of my days, when the Creative in Me kicks in!

How do I explain that? If anyone knows me, they will know that I am very much a strategic mind. I can analyse with the best of them. I’m good with numbers, with industries, with economics, whatever comes up. I’ve got the left brain covered really well. So it doesn’t make much sense to me even, that I’d be a content homemaker! Throw in the calls out to Nature and the whole image is overturned!

But today a few pieces converged and I recognised that despite being an actualising human being firstly, I’ve been put in a physical form that is woman as well. There are certain ‘things’ that come with this. They are not by any means specific or generic but they’re there! And if I am going to actualise and achieve my best self, I will have to give honour to the creative ‘best’ in me as well… shall we say, the Goddess. [smile]

In recent times I’ve observed the imbalance in power in society, in terms of benefits across the two sexes and I’ve been saddened because I’ve had to admit that despite my love for the male in Me – the strong, solid, direct parts –  the Female in Me has been neglected and ignored and many times ridiculed… even by me… I have wanted to walk away from the very same attributes that qualify me as a girl, just so that I won’t have to feel weakened in any form.

But my greater need is to honour this ‘package’, these gifts I’ve been given… all of them. So my spirit hasn’t sat very well with any such efforts.

There is much more to life still to be explored; all of Nature, in fact. That’s where abundance rests. Now it’s up to me to pursue this exploration with exciting zeal as I did my mind all those years, and see what Creation has ready for me, as a Divine Female.

Life is interesting again.

Wishing friends well.



Barbados 067

October 19, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | 4 Comments

Investment… what’s this…?

So I finally bought the clock; the chime and strike kind that keeps a girl on track in a gentle way, much much better than any alarm clock could or alert or buzzer etc. Just a pleasant reminder that time’s passing. I’ve wanted it for a long time but hesitated. Now I’ve finally succumbed to my instincts and got it. It is a great reminder of my youth and somehow feels like a ‘Welcome Home’ present that was long past due getting home…

But why the clock? It wasn’t cheap, let me say that firstly. I hardly buy extravagances. I have really no need for ‘things’ right now; it’s crystal clear for me that ‘things’ make clutter. And let’s say I’m a Zen Buddhist monk in training so less and less clutter is where I’m heading, and more and more so daily!

So if I introduce something new into my life, I really want it!

But unconsciously I think I worked out the value and it seems worthwhile to make the investment. I know it’s going to bring me pleasure for many years… Even now each time I hear that chime it feels great… I can’t say why some things pull my pleasure string, but they do! It is an antique of sorts as well; I can’t say what age, but I don’t think they make these guys as a standard anymore. So it has some age on it; it even looks ‘old’, which I don’t mind. I will keep it polished and serviced in its lifetime with me…

I also think it would be a great thing to leave for my kids when that time comes. Not too many more things in my home could I say that for! It should be special and something that brings me a good deal of pleasure and good memories; that’s what I think!

I’m very conscious about what I will send forward to the next stage. It feels important to me; and this, even though I don’t have children! But on recollection of the luck that I had, a person in my youth, who was really conscious of what she passed on, it is just a tribute to that person again, to be aware of how I do things like this also.

I was lucky, because although at the time I felt it was a bit of a drag and uncool, the strict ways my grandmother raised me, have prepared me better for a life of ups and downs than many of my peers and even siblings that were raised with contemporary parents of the modern age. She did things the old way. She taught me about stretching things, about using what was there and making it so great, it would seem like it was intended to be in use in the first place!

She definitely taught me how to take care of things so that they will last a long time and wouldn’t have to be replaced that often. She taught me how to budget and to do with precious little, actually. Then anything on top of that was supplementary, not the main.

This was common sense transplanted, from a time when excess was not an option! And so, those other things that endured rose to the surface as her priorities.

Her lessons kept my focus straight for many years; I never feel embarrassed when cash is short; such is life. Just like I went for years without checking my account because I withdrew so seldom and only for needs and the occasional special treat…!

Like my antique clock. A little treasure that perhaps, along with little wisdoms, I will pass onto the next generation with lots of loving tales of the joys of time passing, with pleasant chimes marking it… just the way I like it!

God bless the elders and the ancients. And bless the next generation with the best we have to give.




July 7, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | Leave a comment