My Beautiful Blog

An Actualiser's weblog

Will equality ever be?

This blog responds to my friend and colleague on the Journey, Agnes Vermorel who recently wrote a blog entitled ‘A Man’s World?’ for the occasion of International Women’s Day 2010. She had invited me to comment and to respond as I know that she is aware that I have some shared experiences which could be relevant to her own. Her blog is at:

I feel if anyone really knows me, either from spending time with me or simply observing me on the day to day, they can express that I am a caring person. I take ‘care’ seriously. It is in my nature and although certain people in my life have done their best to stifle this characteristic for whatever reason, I have decided I will follow my heart and extend care to anyone that could do with it, whether or not I really know them because, frankly, there is a deficiency of the stuff in our lives.

This has been rewarding and greatly satisfying to me as a person despite the oft-times battery that comes back from people [unconscious or not] that feel they don’t deserve it. On the grand scale it has been and continues to be a great experience, sharing and caring.

Agnes [Anges]’ blog spoke about the issues of being a woman in today’s world. She laid out many of the concerns of being aspiring females, particularly professionally. And of course she came to me for commenting because she is fully aware I fit the full stereotype of the thoroughly targeted and victimized individual in this societal system we function in, which overrides all of the rhetoric of religion, academics, philosophy and economics.

The simple fact is: you are a woman, you are not seen. You are second class. You are an ‘entertainment’ at best. You fit the role of cleaner and a pleasure to men. You are not a primary point of reference for decision making. You are to buckle to the male presence and feel happy (lucky) when you get attention.

Thus ended my aspirations at 31 years old to be a comfortable professional in the field of my calling which was Human Resources. I was not competing: there was no need! I was fulfilling the contract. However the general sensation that I was going to make too many changes was sufficient for the club to lock down and ensure I couldn’t progress further.

Then there was the attempt at academia where being a female and being from a developed country [maybe also being black? I don’t know], meant that I was overstepping my bounds by being in this place, having the depth and breadth of knowledge, being able to analyse and express quantitatively and qualitatively and being self-financed… And so my efforts were halted and the males in question ensured I 1. failed the introductory programme of my doctorate and 2. had no path of recourse, which meant the total loss of all my savings and my investment.

I won’t go into the physical attacks on my person in detail because I want to push away the trauma to something different and better, nor the casual lies, manipulation, harassment and general abuse from men as a matter of course, because it was considered the societal standard and therefore acceptable… not to mention like I said, we were ‘lucky’ to be in their presence in the first place, so be satisfied, and clean up after me while you’re at it!

As I have travelled over these approximately eight years (since I quit the System and decided to see where God wants me to be as a human being) it has been remarkable the revelations that emerged. Even in the midst of being slighted repeatedly by males who only ultimately in their day to day life turned to other males as their point of reference… while listening to them spontaneously be disrespectful to their girlfriends, wives, mothers etc., I still wanted to love them. I still attempted to show them what is ‘right’ because I assumed they didn’t know. [smile]

Despite me making it clear that I don’t appreciate vulgarity and am attempting to keep a clean relationship with myself and with God, they still bypassed me in a casual form and brought things back to the low level: about money or the physical or disrespecting people or what have you. It didn’t matter as long as they were getting attention!

Well the beautiful thing about me not being partial about where I extend love is that, thankfully, love has found its way back to me anyway, in forms that I can say are satisfying, far greater than the ‘lucky you get any’ kind that predominates a patronage society. I also have no doubt that my professional life as well as my intellectual desire will continue to be satisfied and in due time, within the personal landscape something more evolved will also present itself.

But it is worthwhile and of note that we, the collective, still walk around with the idea that all is well in the world, that repressive patronage behaviours don’t exist and indeed pre-dominate; that we take women, mothers, carers, nurturers seriously; that we don’t pressure them beyond what is reasonable while inviting them to keep ‘bearing with’ insensitivity and a general lack of interest or care from our males and continue to hold the idea that ‘we are lucky’ that we have a ‘good male’ in our presence. NO wonder we the females are broken down with stress and ‘female illnesses’ that nobody recognises or identifies with…

I’ve realised that I definitely have the capacity to receive anyone, to find their good points, to encourage, to cheer on, to guide even. But most definitely everyone is not in this place nor is particularly desirous of making the effort to extend such care to another who doesn’t have the societal privilege of being male. Actually, it is a miniscule percentage of males I encounter that will concede that they’ve got it good and can and will give from a deep place [and I don’t mean financially!].

The statistics are everywhere about the depth of abuse and disenfranchisement of the female of the species yet supposedly intelligent men still make fun about if there is a problem really!

Yes, we make it; we perform miracles… we rally around each other and pull resources out of the sky to help keep the children living and everyone else for that matter. But still the primary voice listened to is still some loud [ignorant, often] male who simply, from exclusion of ever being under-privileged, can’t even imagine what the hardship of living is, to live on this earth as a decent and dignified human being who is not male.

And in my opinion that is the ultimate evidence of real consciousness manifested in our lives…

When there is no need for women to feel lucky to have an International Women’s Day, we will be playing on an even field. When men will know of the prevalence and predominance of ailments of the womb related to repression and the like, we will be close to speaking about reality and healing. When men won’t think that a woman who has accomplished something on her own that didn’t require a male is a threat to their survival [i.e. their position in society], we will be somewhere on the radar to have a conversation about a way forward together in a satisfying way.

Whatever the journey we are individually on at present, we then have to interface with society in some form. And if we walk out into society and by our way of life perpertuate pain, lack of opportunity and chances to actualise for other persons, we ought to ask ourselves a question or two about enlightenment and consciousness and all that ‘stuff’.

It’s not easy being a Woman and I am proud that I’ve made it this far and am still standing. But I assure you or anyone reading: it isn’t luck in any of this. Not one bit!

So my effort has to take this into consideration from now on because I really have little illusion anymore, that the imbalance in the load of care is going to even out anytime soon. And I am fully aware that care is where the real work is…

Till then I wish us all love and applaud all those women that carry an excess of the world’s load. And I welcome the males that will be willing to use their considerable influence to help set things right.



March 9, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 6 Comments