My Beautiful Blog

An Actualiser's weblog

The Love of a Brother

My brother Irwin was special, simply because he was not special. He needed no attention to smile, to work, to live. He wasn’t shy, just satisfied, just contented, just happy to live and do his thing.

This I remember about Irwin.

My earliest memory was him, hard-working… using his skillful hands and quick mind to create beautiful coral jewelery. He was  dedicated to this for some time and he brought lots of friends to the house who would do this work as well; definitely a creative guy and well loved.

But I think I remember him most for his silent ways. He had plenty to say; he observed and processed much. But he had no reason, whatsoever, to be blasting it out. In many ways this was unfortunate, since then he wasn’t noticed; in a world where mainly bluster and bravado get any attention…

But perhaps this is just what showed his richness. He didn’t have to blast at or for anything, nor to be received or to be accepted in order to be himself, and I like that!

But give him a listen and his intelligence flowed out spontaneously; my Brother the Wise One!

Irwin could get along with anyone. He fit the term ‘harmonious‘. He could laugh easily; he could ‘get to God’ in quick time; he understood perfection… and knew that it didn’t come from ‘things’.

I like that as well.

Whenever we met it was very much understood that we were family. The time and distance between meetings, irrespective. It didn’t matter. It doesn’t matter till now. We were at peace in knowing. We were good friends. [Happy smile…]

It is why today I feel sadness but not the tragic loss I may have expected, since my brother remains: in the natural breeze he preferred to live in, and the chuckles I still hear ringing out, and in my memories of his easy hug and smile that aren’t going anywhere very soon…

He has moved on to his Perfect Place and is peaceful now: received as he is… in harmonious ways, like his Nature.

I pray only deeper, undisturbed contentment for my loving Brother who is surely now smiling, restful, happy.

And I pray that you know that Your Sister is with you.



February 25, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 9 Comments


I have to admit it. I’ve been holding on to flawed ideas about family for a long time. I have wanted to identify with something that isn’t serving; that isn’t happening; that isn’t working… It’s the myth of blood ties or at least, the myth of automatic, biological connection and harmony.

Like I said; it’s a myth. There is no automatic ‘natural’ connection just because one was raised in the same environment. My resistance in accepting that has probably been the cause of more personal trauma and drama than I’d care to admit, since it ties closely back to other choices I have made in my life, that in turn came with their own share of trauma and drama and led to such wear and tear that is unthinkable, on reflection.

Many of my friends know how I’ve been walking this ‘high road’ for some time, just seeking truth, by whatever means this required. My usual approach in life is immersion, which can mean lessons that go beyond even what I expected. Sometimes, indeed it blows my mind! The implications of my findings usually take some time before they really sink in but when they do I am then refined even more from that experience or phase and I am grateful.

On my way I have decided to honour my vision of life – which is a full, enjoyable one, rich with experiences that go beyond the rudimentary. Although scary, they have helped bring me to this place where I am and which I love a great deal.

I’ve remarked to my friends that it’s amazing how the Universe is working somewhere in the background while my mind plays its games with the mundane world and how it presents me with the desires of my heart all the time and in fact, in methods and packages simply perfect when I reflect. I can’t say how many times I’ve shaken my head at the absurdity that I have, that I could think it through and come out with the optimal outcome by myself! Crazy!

One particular vision that has always been dear to my heart is my lovely home. There are elements to this vision that for a long time seemed totally out of my hands and so I just shoved them to the back of my desires quite ‘maturely’, while I worked on what was in fact possible… And then, the individual elements of the vision stumbled their way into my space!

Where I live, physically, is one example – greenery, birds, quiet, privacy… my heart’s desire from a child. My sweet dogs that adore my presence and live for my every satisfaction and good humour – a dream of mine since my teens. In fact, having to live without dogs because of my housing has been one of the greatest sacrifices I have made, in my opinion.

Then there is the idea of a core group of persons that I come home to any day, any time… that wants the best for me and will ‘have my back’ during the crunch time. You know… like ‘Family’… or at least what my heart kept telling me Family is like. And guess what! I found this. I can’t believe it, hardly!

When my story is told, whenever that is, it will have to include tales of strangers who I’d never seen in person, who received me, from distances so far, but who connected, opened up and accepted me, supported my growth, my health, my wellbeing… without a second thought… and let me know once again how the Universe insists on providing me with my simple heart’s desire.

I count my online friends who have been there all the way, wanting nothing more than to share healthy space, as my Family. I’ve been blessed to be drawn into a circle of loving people who can see well beyond the obvious, to what is real and who desire to contribute to the flow of love in our world… till the rest of the world catches up.

How wonderful is that?

So whereas technically my ‘family’ consists of my two little dogs and myself – a dynamic I am loving! – my Family is thrown out across the landscape of this Earth and indeed sustains my health and good spirits just from being there: heart and mind open, ready to serve the Universe’s cause. Nice!

All I can say is ‘Thank you’ for being willing, for generosity, for selflessness and indeed for bravery to reach across the miles continually, in good faith. I am a blessed person in ways I hope someday I will be able to share properly with you. You truly are incredible, excellent people who I am so happy to share this journey with.

I couldn’t have dreamed of a more wonderful family. Thank you, simply, for showing up.

With love,

Always, Sherrilene

February 21, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 7 Comments