My Beautiful Blog

An Actualiser's weblog

Dream Era…

I am remarking how, though I try my best to do reflections regularly and bring myself to a place of acceptance and often gratitude, out of those looks backward and inward, that the degree of detail and amount of evidence of the Universe’s good general intention, still stays out of my grasp somewhat.

I am a fairly grateful person, in my opinion, but confess I don’t hang onto the consciousness of blessings quite often enough, which would do me very good in keeping good in my space and help make my ride of life, far less bumpy. This is a mighty big conclusion!

Earlier this year after two or three run-ins with some of the most obnoxious people that I had the displeasure to have to live around, I finally came upon a residence that was spacious and lovingly natural, green, beautiful. It was like a snapshot of a vision I had put into the ‘less than likely’, rather barren zone of my dreams. But omygosh, it was here!

I remember registering shock, not necessarily thankfulness or gratitude, as my first emotion. Evidently my belief system didn’t stretch that far to actually accessing those tiny little desires of one’s heart!

There is one other lovely delivery that was manifested just over a year ago that I haven’t spent a lot of time in appreciation. The exact type of car I’d dreamed about as a teenager… I used to look at them on the street, while walking home. And most of my friends were like, ‘They’re ok’… but not as excited as I.

Well one day last year while deciding on a new car, I said, what the heck, make an enquiry. And in two snaps I had my car… yes, the same kind, in a rich colour, special to look at, distinctive, just like my car would be.

Two ‘major’ messages coming through at this time are both related to the bigger picture and perspective. For both these dreams I built relationships that were more comfortable for the property ‘owner’ than for me; that bind me to work my tail off even if I’m not well, to pay for them. This is because, it certainly looked as if this was the only available option for me and as I look back, it wasn’t for lack of trying that I ended up having to do a rental and take a loan…

But the eventual burden of it all and eventual, quite disrespectful behaviour by the bank in particular, have shaken my desire even in the least way, to continue that kind of imbalanced security arrangement. It just isn’t fair or right that some people sit comfortably receiving value, while others work incredibly hard to create it and never have, especially time, to enjoy returns from it.

So I’m at a Square One zone, about to let go the car (it’s been coming for a while… they dragged their feet, hoping I would get back to work and make them comfortable again; but my body/The Universe protested!). And this morning I am feeling a tad of sadness that I’m giving up the dream car, the one that I hadn’t taken very much time to embrace the amazingness of the Universe following through on visionary promises… Yeh, I feel sad that I wasted time, not appreciating it and that…

I’ve lots of excuses! I am a creative person, of course I do! But in the end it is useless. I still didn’t embrace the moment enough, throughout.

The second sensation is about the fact, that although I don’t necessarily give ‘It’ credit for its ‘behind-the-scenes’ incredible work, things are indeed ongoing, unseen, unnoticed, and so wonderfully, just waiting for us to merge in with it… to lock in sincerely and honestly and truthfully… to admit, this is what I really want, no kidding…

I remember saying so often that Nature is evidence that there is a whole lot going on around us that we couldn’t possibly conceive of. And I say it and mean it! But so many times, I haven’t internalised it and I think – the real issue, isn’t it? – that I have something to do with outcomes, besides blending with the amazingness of It.

I’ve said often I wouldn’t want to live with a life of regrets, which is why I step out oftentimes and face fears and challenge myself. Today I feel a slight little one, for not having faith, for not believing more in my dreams manifesting, even the ones dashed away because ‘reality’ had messed with them.

Looks like some growing up is due.

Namaste.

With love and light and respect of old and new dreams.

Sherrilene

Tears on my heart

Advertisements

December 10, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

2 Comments »

  1. sherillene, the fact that you realise what further grow you need shows just how very ‘grown up’ you are! power to you for noticing that you werent ‘noticing’ what was going on around you. remember all growth comes from making mistakes and not being perfect. just when we think we’ve got it all figured out we found out that there’s still a lot more to learn!

    love to you!

    layla xx

    Comment by Empowered Women | December 10, 2009 | Reply

  2. Oh sweet lady~You know what I hear when I read this? I heard that it takes time for us to catch up to the experience. We have been sold gratitude & positivisms as a way of life. There is some truth in that. AND when our life has been one of difficulty, sometimes it is hard to trust when the new powerful experiences walk in. In fact, we would not be in congruence w/ ourselves to know that right away. With my desire to work w/ teens in the Foster Care System, I would NEVER expect them to trust or to even understand when love comes walking thru that door. That takes time & patience. Thru reading this, once again, you have helped me heal & understand this part of me. That place that shames myself because of the experiences that I have had. That if I was more grateful, blah blah blah, my experience would have been different. That is simply not true.
    You got to drive your dream car for a year. Maybe you discovered that didn’t fill *that* place in you. It was fun! AND it is thru our noticing of what moves us AND what doesn’t, that we discover our deepest desires! I applaud & am deeply moved by your sharing of your journey & all the ins & outs of it 😉

    Comment by Cyndee Greene | December 23, 2009 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: