My Beautiful Blog

An Actualiser's weblog

Getting good with Goddess!

A young online friend inquired of me today, what is my relationship like with the Creator. I often get asked questions like this, from people of all ages, because I think I’m a novelty of sorts being a believer, with no particular religious links or leanings besides being natural. I really try to live life according to an ideal that is set in my mind and not based on what has been given to most of us as ‘gospel’.

As the sub-title of my blog says, I consider myself an Actualising person so my rules and my needs for living are quite different than ‘the average’ and the consequence is, my spirituality has been also impacted in this way.

A long time back,  I was involved with the church, quite voluntarily, since I wanted to ‘do my part’ for the community. Unlike many people including my siblings, my grandmother didn’t force me to go to church as a child, so I showed up on my own and immersed. I have many aspects of church life that I like but in totality it never fulfilled my zeal, so I visit periodically and find other ways to do this in my day to day life.

After achieving all the highs of the physical life (academically, professionally, socially) I hit a speed bump; or should I correctly name it, a reality pit stop where again my enthusiasm for life was bumped down. It was disappointing, yes, but mostly because I really wanted to see myself fitting somehow into society, enthusiastic and all. It wasn’t meant to be, at least not yet. So I set out on my own, ‘stumbling surefootedly’, I like to say, to find ‘what else’ is there, besides society as I know it.

I found lots… AND LOTS I didn’t like. If not for my love of nature, of people on the whole and my open mind, I would have been seriously battered spiritually. A few years into that part of the journey and I was ready to throw it in again! I found that my instinct kept telling me to stay in, to not even try to go out there to find work anymore. It wasn’t the fear of competition since my product is unique and I’m comfortable in its delivery, it was the clear evidence of learning nothing new, of not growing, of actually being really depleted with exchanges in the institutional environment where I was often called.

All this time I was transforming into a creature of Nature again. The simple pleasures drew me like nothing else and even now, not too much in society is interesting, although my desire to serve remains strong.

To answer my friend’s question referring to my relationship with God, I spontaneously smiled, as I recall having given this response many times before. ‘We are good!‘,  I continued by saying ‘Now I am trying to be good with Goddess…’.

Like I said it has been an incredible experience on my journey to find myself wanting to be at home, to putter around, to do kitchen things, to crochet and to sew, to dream up new dishes and the like. But it’s very satisfying! It’s also quite pleasing to find myself out of supplies of some sort and perform a bit of magic to substitute and end up with a creation out of my wits! These are the most fun of my days, when the Creative in Me kicks in!

How do I explain that? If anyone knows me, they will know that I am very much a strategic mind. I can analyse with the best of them. I’m good with numbers, with industries, with economics, whatever comes up. I’ve got the left brain covered really well. So it doesn’t make much sense to me even, that I’d be a content homemaker! Throw in the calls out to Nature and the whole image is overturned!

But today a few pieces converged and I recognised that despite being an actualising human being firstly, I’ve been put in a physical form that is woman as well. There are certain ‘things’ that come with this. They are not by any means specific or generic but they’re there! And if I am going to actualise and achieve my best self, I will have to give honour to the creative ‘best’ in me as well… shall we say, the Goddess. [smile]

In recent times I’ve observed the imbalance in power in society, in terms of benefits across the two sexes and I’ve been saddened because I’ve had to admit that despite my love for the male in Me – the strong, solid, direct parts –  the Female in Me has been neglected and ignored and many times ridiculed… even by me… I have wanted to walk away from the very same attributes that qualify me as a girl, just so that I won’t have to feel weakened in any form.

But my greater need is to honour this ‘package’, these gifts I’ve been given… all of them. So my spirit hasn’t sat very well with any such efforts.

There is much more to life still to be explored; all of Nature, in fact. That’s where abundance rests. Now it’s up to me to pursue this exploration with exciting zeal as I did my mind all those years, and see what Creation has ready for me, as a Divine Female.

Life is interesting again.

Wishing friends well.



Barbados 067

October 19, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | 4 Comments

Fallen fruits…

I continue to remark how following instinct is teaching me about life and indeed reality, time and space. Even I didn’t recognise how much plastic had infiltrated my mind all this time.

All I knew was that I wasn’t feeling free to flow and somehow must ‘shed down’.

I rarely tell the woes of my journey because for the most part, I have moved on. I also learned to ‘buck up’ and be strong and all those wonderful things that people say we should do when we face hardship, disappointment and the like. I got really ‘good’ at that [smile…].

But reflection and healing have a way of requiring the mind to go back to those places we were hurt and dare to move through them for their learning contribution. And so recently I have been reminded significantly why I quit my job and left the System some time back. It was because of resistance… I must say, RESISTANCE! I had great ideas, they were working, staff was happy, customers good, boss wasn’t ‘ready’… The impact on me was, shall we say, defeating.

What brought me down was the evidence of human potential that was just sitting there, doing little to be maximised, for no reason other than it was going to shake things up in the status quo.

As more clarity emerges as to the true dynamics of the world we’ve been for the most part struggling in, my whole System is opening up to what else is going on: how the general society is sitting within a much greater System which we neglect for the most part.

Each time I go out on my walks I see fruit in abundance, on the trees, fallen on the ground in decay, similarly not being optimised. I remark how we import and buy goods and foodstuffs which are chemically treated and of questionable quality and which have often proven to be harmful in the long run.

We honour and entertain frivolity and skirt around issues that relate to our children and keeping them healthful and functional for the future… and they need all the help they can get given the state of things!

Many people I know have been declining physically as they live lives of service in a world where a wilingness to serve also means abuse oftentimes. They are doing this in settings where (unseen but very present) toxins are so great that self management isn’t enough to stay healthy and fit, and in environments where there is no authority that is insisting on ‘keeping it clean’…

So much around us represents fallen fruits; so much wastage, such disturbed focus, such messy priorities…

There is no scarcity in nature; just look and see. But probably more important: there is none so blind as he who will not see…

I await the day with patience when ego-propping becomes a lesser priority than lives of wellness and health and continue to put my attention to those abundant human fruit in my space and engage them, hopefully giving them a reaason to not be defeated through their interface with scarcity. Where clear potential resides it should be embraced, for all of our sakes.

Exploitation of the finite only creates loss of life. An immersion in the infinite leads to balance and a better Quality of Life.

I hope you will consider engaging too.

Wishing everyone the desires of your hearts.

All the best,



October 3, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 4 Comments