My Beautiful Blog

An Actualiser's weblog


… inequity.

I couldn’t put the two words together as the heading for my blog; my beautiful little blog… But I have to speak on this.

I have long felt in my gut that the only deficit in humanity lies in ignorance.

It is a kind way to say, ‘If people only recognised the harm they are doing by acting out against others by their words and actions, they would surely not do such things anymore! ‘It is the ‘high road’ position; the compassionate Me speaking.

And I would have to say I’ve been doing my little bit to create awareness of consequences of thoughtless action, as have many of my very concerned and humanitarian friends and colleagues.

But ignorance is indeed the order of the day and, when coupled with the legitimacy that society presently gives to harm without a major accountability, efforts to keep the divisions among us are persisting.

The separations have a long history as we know; to many it is their only identity. ‘He’ takes the role of Boss, or leader or decision maker; ‘We’ take the role of ardent follower, ‘or else…’, and ‘own thought’ takes a regular backseat since’ I’ will be more ‘comfortable’ if I don’t get into trouble with the Boss!

It’s part of socialisation, yes… I think we’ve heard just about every excuse for why this happens. So let’s not go there. Let us ask ourselves how by our actions we might be very well perpetuating so many of the painful inequities, particularly in power relationships, which are in our lives.

I am recalling two incidents this year, in fact, where I, just by being myself, got the ‘raised eyebrow’ and indeed the ‘helpful warning’ because I was being different. The two persons in question had both had deep discussions with me about the importance of rebalancing the dynamics of society, and all of those high-minded subjects. But the instant I did these two things in their presence [will speak more on it shortly], the ‘fear warning’ came into play.

In the first instance I had just moved into a new house and took the master bedroom. There was evidence that the previous occupant had positioned the bed in a particular location. In my judgment, my bed was better positioned in a different way. My – till then –  progressive house mate walked into my room and rather than give me some tips to decorate, quite promptly says ‘You know the bed is supposed to be set up over there…’. I was so stunned I took a bit of time before I responded. I said ‘I would like it over here for the breeze…’. It seemed incredible that I’d even have to explain this. Several other incidents later confirmed that indeed I was considered to be ‘trouble’, and well, let’s just say, my ‘friend’ unceremoniously bailed when a call had to be made between supporting me and the old-school landlady in a disagreement. She still wanted the privilege of being called my friend, however 🙂

The second event was where I wanted to walk on the grass barefooted. I consider this to be one of the simple, accessible pleasures of life and perfectly natural. This new person said to me ‘You know you are not wearing shoes…?’ And I thought, ‘Why is she telling me this?’ I couldn’t even think of a response! I think I blubbered out something like ‘I like to do that sometimes!’ But I got the strong feeling that I was being slotted into the category of loony or something like that.

Now, there have been many MANY such events over the years and none of the persons giving the warnings are friends or indeed in my circle now. But I ask myself all the time, ‘What are these people saying to their children?… to the youth in their circles?’

Are they perpetuating the idea that you better not choose to literally make your own bed up ‘for your own good?’ And, extending the thought, that you better not do anything too simple and natural, or else you will be considered a nutter?

I am witnessing so many ‘adults’ who master following and hand over their right of free will, own judgment and simple contribution to society, and it is ALARMING to me! Because, it means that we are perpetuating the inequities in power through our action, and also in our inaction…

Many young and culturally exposed persons like myself [I walked away from the exploitative capitalism model at 31] are understanding purpose, giftedness, connection and even responsibility spontaneously and are confused then by the absence of any emphasis on these concepts by the designated guides. We can end up very VERY confused, and feeling bombarded by societal pressures to conform to irresponsibility. This is not to say that many adults are not passing the ‘greater good’ word on; but I’m concerned about how many are relying on someone else to take on this responsibility.

Having seen the volume and degree of separationist rhetoric that is prevailing on the mainstream media, that ‘someone else’ communicating quite loudly, legitimately and vehemently, isn’t appearing to be a greater good kinda guy…

Are we ok? Where are we, really?

I would like to hear.

With blessings and a still dominant belief that Good will prevail ultimately, and prayerfully in my lifetime,



September 17, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 4 Comments

It was never about money… it was about Life…


I think about my life and where it has gone and indeed where it has led me over the years and I see lots of patterns that are consistent. I recall in my youth my desires to excel and do my best, according to my own standard, not anybody else’s.

I remember getting angry with being sick all the time and deciding I want to be well and healthy and independent of chemicals (and anything else that could restrain me) in my lifetime. I’ve done this in different ways over time, for a variety of would-be dependencies.

Yes, anger generally brings me to that! 😀

I’ve also worked hard to sharpen my skills and widen my knowledge in several areas, a clear intention to be my best self, again irrespective of what others will do. I ‘compete’ with myself and thus I just try to keep on improving, from one day to the next.

I feel generally good about my progress and see no great need to quit this approach.

And why would I even consider that?

It’s because I’m bombarded, a bit too often, with everyday influences of people who don’t want to excel; who don’t want to push themselves; who don’t care to try. It’s not just a case that they don’t do anything, they also insist that I hold ‘me’ back. They put their energy, (unaware?), into holding excellers back, so they won’t have to pull themselves up to the different bar.

The same issue revolves around why I work. I have never worked for the money! I have been driven by a desire to maximise and in the process I naturally earned well; particularly since it served the interests of employers! But many months I could go without ever taking a peek at my bank balance and I didn’t have the need for credit, etc. because I was not driven to pursue material things and the like, in all my life. Those things were for function, thus otherwise a serious bother!

I think this is why I’m confused ever so much when I see what some people will do for financial and material prowess. I’ve had people dispose of relationships that were life sustaining and healthy, just for money, just for ‘things’! I’ve witnessed people call in reinforcements, rally unknowing supporters, to help build the case against a family member, because the issue of a few dollars was on the table; I have heard people publicly decry a Leader, simply trying to make decent quality living available to the masses, so that they can remain comfortably in their financial power place, for as long as they can…

I am amazed at the depths one would go to; the energy one would expend, to hold on to something which isn’t ours to hold in the first place… and the amount of sacrifice one would make (of genuine, healthful relationships) for the sake of something so limiting and insecure as dollars on an account!

But then, that’s just me… So often the minority… So often that little voice in the wildnerness trying to make sure, I’m not the crazy one!

As I continue to pursue my love for excellence I am happy to say: though I don’t have lots of money, I have never felt more accomplished. It’s an accomplishment when you can stay strong and healthy even in the midst of negative pressure at nearly every turn. It’s an accomplishment to keep presence of mind, enough to still follow one’s dreams, even if they are not in line with the great Society’s expectations. And it’s an accomplishment to feel such great peace, from letting it all go, and seeing that this was the main test and I didn’t fail.

I wish everyone the ability to decide for their own Good… to apply their best judgment and to receive the peace we all so crave as we walk in a world of [small] denominations towards one that I hope is of Greatness.

And I am wishing you, friends and loved ones, a most beloved and blessed journey.



September 11, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment