My Beautiful Blog

An Actualiser's weblog

Dispelling my Illusions about Love… and getting ‘It’ Real

So much has reared up in the past weeks that confirmed my gut instinct that something was completely wrong with human workings, or should I say, how people have been working together. There seemed to be some disconnect between what has been getting attention by us and what was in some way useful and relevant to us. It’s been a bizarre time, I must say.

Then Michael Jackson dies, somewhat shockingly, suddenly. And the world explodes into sympathy and the Truth about what people feel about him and his tragic life, comes to the surface.

And it became clear that although the major hype has been about the trivial and the quick result, our silent masses feel great sadness about the thoughtless depletion of the sweetness and pureness of people in the process of exploring for cash wealth. I am  relieved, in truth.

Why I am relieved is because I have been gullible. I accept this description; this categorization. I fell for ‘it’, the talk, the hype, the idea, that I ought to dedicate myself to my relationships and all my dreams would be fulfilled. And almost systematically, they just about all fell down one by one as the other party saw my submission as an opportunity for exploitation. And they surely did exploit, repeatedly.

It has been sufficient to make me ask myself if my feeling was wrong; the feeling that I should be loyal and committed in my dealings! It rises in me naturally that I ought to give my best and be consistent and not to undermine my dear ones. But from everything I see, this is not exactly a universal thing. Certainly, if the sentiment rises in everyone, many people decide to push it down and stifle it for whatever reason, and don’t feel any guilt in failing others that are in their circle of care.

The closed circle for me this past week was something along the lines of where I was ten years ago when I got married. This news serves to shock many people who know I have been single for a long time and particularly since I don’t talk about it, specifically my being the big, bad word ‘divorced’, for several years!

You see I was still gullible at that time; I wanted to believe in people, in my heart that their goodness and mine will prevail and all will be great and well. What a grim and real experience of waking up! Not that simple…

Over the years as people know, I never quite lost that bit of hope about people and in fact, my professional life ironically led to me very actively accessing that ‘good’ and helping many people to bring it into the light. But I’d have to say, it came with the trade that I couldn’t ‘risk’ myself personally in the process. I came to the conclusion that I have to be that way only in the safe space of professional life, with its obvious boundaries and safe space.


Now I am being tested again to ask myself what are my beliefs about Love. And all of a sudden, many in my close circle that I respect are speaking up and presenting their own Love stories that aren’t that different than my old Dreams. And somehow my old self-preservation mandate is seeming really limiting!

There’s a great deal of faith that comes along with living your Truth in this Illusory world and I have had to go ‘there’ so SO many times. And each and EVERY time I have pulled through great. On reflection, there are precious few ‘bad’ experiences now, that override my satisfaction with myself for having faced my fears so many times.

And my choices of what to give over to the greater Force have been guided greatly by what’s been sitting in my heart; what’s in my mind’s eye. If it’s there, then it’s legitimate.

So that old vision about living and loving and life as my Nature, maybe it’s not that strange! Maybe it’s been my unawareness of the Truth that has been characteristic of my actions and my choices up till now. Because the second that I shift to the ‘new’ Truth that precisely what I want and need in any way is here and available and accessible, it comes into very naturally into being!

Lives of fear, that stay in old places while the world continues on, are missing such gifts. I never want to be one of those persons who forfeit possibilities based on old experiences and non-serving habits. Considering it all, I have fared really great in my relationships and can reasonably conclude, those painful ones were refining and preparing me for far more enriching ones.

I think that’s just totally great!

So bring it on, World. I’m ready for the next lessons in Love! I’m sure You will find me wherever I am.

All the best,




July 5, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , ,


  1. Dear Sherri,

    I think it’s only natural that after being hurt and disapointed in love relationships some of us crawl back into a “safe space of self-preservation”. Others dive into new relationships right away and what usually follows is that the same patterns are repeated all over again in the new relationships.
    Whereas the time we crawl back into that safe space is often necessary to proces, heal,reflect, regroup and hopefull learn from it, and it’s ok as long as we don’t stay there forever in fear of ever stepping out again. Because to know and let ourselves be known in love we cannot be anything but truthfull to our beings, open and vulnerable and yes there is no guarantee that we’re not going to get hurt again, but I believe that we are here to love each other and that it is possible to be happy in love. I think it is not only related to how much we respect and love the other but how much we love and respect ourselves as well. And that means
    that we have the right to be loved and respected and don’t have to take anything less than that. I also believe that we do get signals at the beginning of a relationship and that it is up to us to be alert to them or ignore them.

    Kahlil Gibran on Love:
    “…..Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
    But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
    To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
    To know the pain of too much tenderness.
    To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
    And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
    To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
    To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
    To return home at eventide with gratitude;
    And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.”

    For the whole poem see:

    Thank you dear Sherri for your brave post.
    Go for it gurl!
    Love Lucienne

    Comment by Lulu | July 5, 2009 | Reply

  2. I read this post and felt as if I was the person writing this blog. Your story is mine. Therefore I can only conclude that your story is similar to many. What I am happy about is your ultimate conclusion “I’m ready for the next lessons in Love!”. Love and pain are life’s lessons and ultimately the lessons learnt WILL make you more superb. I have learnt that I cannot expect others to be as giving, caring, loyal and loveable as we are. Our personality sets us up to be hurt. But I would rather be hurt than to be void of love.
    Thank you for sharing this post with us.

    Comment by Sherry Dixon | July 6, 2009 | Reply

  3. Sherrilene,

    I think Sherry Dixon makes a good point that your story, her story and my story are so similar–our personal experiences of some universal realities. Those of us with open hearts usually start out “gullible,” but I wonder what that is in more positive terms? Later on, I found out that “putting relationships first” didn’t mean sacrificing my own agenda for that of another. First I began to realize that such a substitution was what I was committing, and then later on I asked, “Gee, well gosh… what WOULD my own agenda BE, anyway?” …which is, of course, a powerful question! 🙂 Having passed through all that, I say that we’re are older and wiser now. It’s a different enterprise.

    Comment by Martha Bergin | July 7, 2009 | Reply

  4. Because the second that I shift to the ‘new’ Truth that precisely what I want and need in any way is here and available and accessible, it comes into very naturally into being!

    Sherri, that very sentence resonates with what I discover again and again and again. As soon as we come to that place of fully knowing that it’s right here (and especially see and feel in within us) than so often the exerior world then reflects that inner knowing.

    This settling into this knowing is such a peaceful feeling. It sometimes seems we go through stages of realizing the love that we are. And each of those stages is a precious gift along the way. Because we learn and discern what we truly want/don’t want. We need to learn this fully and clearly as we open up to love.

    Blessings, friend! Thanks for visiting my blog & spreading your love there as well. 🙂

    Comment by centria | July 7, 2009 | Reply

  5. Yes! I like what Centria is saying. That’s where we can be now. Very different.

    Comment by Martha Bergin | July 7, 2009 | Reply

  6. so true, so honest & so wise… I resonate with it/you more than I can describe… I am learning those lessons now & avoiding some of those mistakes and ‘gullibility’ hopefully. Despite some hurts & disappointments, I still do believe that goodness in people will prevail and that we have to keep opening, trusting, forgiving 7 loving no matter what.

    These days I am finding a balance b/n or rather say integration of significant relationships and my own dreams, goals & boundaries for I tended to sacrifice mine in the process and that is changing for I choose to be true to myself first & foremost and honor my loved ones as well. I was also blessed with very good relationships so far & I have learned more from Joy than from pain & I am ready & open for the next lessons in Love too!

    TY Sherri for sharing so heartfully & openly!

    Love is here, now, in & out, all around & so WE ARE!

    Comment by D a r i n a | July 8, 2009 | Reply

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